TV Go Clone

7:00 Planet Earth - Live

The excellent documentary series is bastardised by Richard 'The Hamster' Hammond and a dubstep soundtrack. Yeah right, as if they'd ever make that. Oh, wait...

8:00 The Bureau

Tonight: Valerie escapes from La Valetta and flies back and crashes on the Bureau de Change. Also, we get to see a massive hack as ITV1's schedule intrudes 22 minutes of tonight's episode.

9:00 Con Air - in reverse

Mindless 1997 prison-break action blockbuster vastly improved in this back-to-front edition. Nicolas Cage stars as Cameron Poe, a free man so desperate to escape his boring wife and ungrateful daughter he trashes half of Las Vegas before buggering off to a prison on a plane.

10:00 Bodystash

Family fun with international drug traders.

1/5 This week Graham is on a flight to Heathrow with a weight of brown the size of a baby's arm lodged in his stomach, but disaster strikes when a sudden change in air pressure pops the bag, spilling the potentially lethal contents into his guts. Can Graham make it to airport security in time to have his innards pumped?

7:00 2001 Handheld Game Marathon 2012

We continue our grind-shitting action of this year's cheap handheld games console marathon, featuring weird sound effects and weird games.

To play Unsensible Soccar, press 1. To play Super Shitty Collapse, press 2. To play Breakout, press 3.

8:00 Olympic Sport Spectacular

Live coverage of preview events from 2012’s sports thing. Highlights include: Army barracks circle jerk: Live from Fort Collins; Wine punching:Live from Tuscany; 200m light mincing:Live from Brighton; Horse fencing:Live from Ascot; Crochet Croquet:Cancelled due to rain; Philosophy football:2nd round – Confucianism Utd vs Marx City

Viewers who are not already sick and tired of this should be given a medal then punched

10:00 The .gif scenario

[Awful Matrix parody] 1/10 - A man (Rutger Hauer) makes a grammatical error on a public forum. Somebody pulls him up on it. He makes a sarcastic .gif in response, the .gif is unfortunately 'too' flashy and sends the other guy into a coma. Grammar man must enter cyberspace (that is inexplicably plugged into coma guy's coma). Hilarity ensues.

7:00 Paul Ross's Anal Bitches

Paul Ross investigates the world of female dogs with Obsessive Compulsive Disorders.

This week Paul meets a Border Collie which has to wash its paws every time it sees a lamp post.

8:00 Culinary Nationalism

A host of celebrity chefs present new and exciting recipes using only good honest, locally sourced, indigenous British produce and none of that funny smelling foreign muck. This week Jamie Oliver uses only British ingredients to serve up an English breakfast in the shape of Pippa Middleton’s arse for a group of EDL members in Islington. Gordon Ramsey looks at reintroducing proper British breeds of British beef back onto the household menu, then smears dogshit on the window of his local curry house.

Not available to people who arent from round here

9:00 Justice Killer

Former undercover CIA agent, FBI agent Jose' Englasia (Steven Seagal) is working undercover in a German knife factory. Unbeknownst to the factory's cruel boss - Her Klauss Vern Mit Ivanstein, Jose' must somehow find his way to the roof and kick a man through a wall and then blow up the factory in slow motion.

10:00 The Alcoholic Chaser

The host is shitfaced, doesnt follow the script and gives away cash to strangers, the "chaser" is pissed out of his skull and purposely answers all of his questions with bird song.

7:00 Regular Show

Crazy, off-the-wall, show.

Episode 34: Do Me a Solid. Mordecai does a solid and hits Rigby. Literally. Solid. Later, in Caffeinated Concert Tickets, they go to a Fist Pump concert and wearing a Fist Pump piece of crud while listening to some new hit they launched.

8:00 Soggyoaks

Finn regrets his loveship to Collaterlie Sisters and escapes to Bulgaria to the aformentioned replica of T'Marios. Meanwhile, Sylvester Stuart imitates an organist who plays "Fancy Lady" while playing a round of adult board game Libido.

9:00 Regular Show

Now without the bloody censors on Cartoon Network. Listen to "pissed", "crap" and all the sexual content on "Party Pete".

Do you hate CN? Do you like Regular Show? WATCH IT ON CHANNEL 4!!!

10:00 Web Poop

Extremely explicitly badly made version of American TV show "Web Soup", where some dates are cut off from the cameras that captured all those videos mixed with bad, incomplete homemade music videos that cut halfway through such excitement, and with unfitting music in questionable quality and cut halfway through to our next video, complete with baldy-done cuts and other pieces of crap. Which due to issues we want to replace "crap" with "crud".